Only for the Bold of Heart

I came across a web page a few days ago with an essay on hypocrisy. It is not a comfortable read, but for those who are willing, read below for the last few paragraphs...I hope you don't identify with this as much as I did. But in case you do, there is hope after all.


I can go on at great length about this kind of hypocrisy, and with good reason. I too am a hypocrite. This is not to say that I always do the right thing, but even when I do, it is only an outward act. I have made great progress over the years in being chaste in act and word; but I have only to see a woman and I desire to sleep with her. I try hard to be kind and patient in my outward deeds, but in my heart I often desire the death, not of my enemies—for I do not have the strength of character to make any—but of those who are merely inconvenient to me. To those whom I profess to love I am indifferent. I preach almsgiving and from time to time force myself to practice it, but in my heart I desire great riches. While I may seem to work hard to fulfill my responsibilities, in fact I wish that I had none and could indulge the sloth that is really at the core of my being. Worst of all, I stand in church and at prayer and profess to love God and put Him first in my life, when in fact I feel nothing toward God but abject fear. My faith is that of the demons, who, St. James tells us, "believe—and shudder" (Jas 2:19). My intellect, formed in the likeness of divine Reason, is bound inextricably to the truth that I cannot deny without doing violence to my own paltry reason; but my heart wishes that it were otherwise.

When the time comes for me to stand before the judgement-seat of God, when all the thoughts of the heart are laid bare, then my true nature will be made clear. I will hear the dreadful words, "Depart from me, you evildoer, for though you followed Me outwardly, your heart is far from Me." And I will have to admit that God’s judgement is entirely just. No heart as attached as mine to the things of this world can have any share in the joys of heaven. The fire of God’s eternal love is for a hypocrite like me only the eternal fire of Hell.

Of course, I know the answer to this problem. I have only to ask and the Holy Spirit can melt my stony heart and give me the desire for God I lack. He, indeed only He, can give me the love I lack. It is not something I can achieve on my own, but only if I ask for the transforming power of divine grace. And I have asked for it, at least with my lips. But did I really mean it? Was this not another act of hypocrisy? Not only do I desire evil, but I desire to desire it. If I were sincere, God could transform me.

But after all, I am a hypocrite.


You and I are just the kind of people Christ came to seek and save. That's right, the ones who want to flee when light threatens to illuminate the darkness of our hearts. Some people wonder if they've really asked Christ to save them, after all, they (we) are hypocrites. But this is where I am inclined to borrow from the Calvinists and say it isn't that much about me. My heart is dark, but Christ has shone His light into my life. He did it, not me. And by His grace God keeps calling me back each time I wander from His truth. He continually rakes the stones back away from my heart and most of the time it hurts badly. But He does it for my good.

I think of C.S. Lewis who wrote that a wicked surgeon would tire of sadistic cruelty after a time, but what if we were up against a perfectly Good surgeon who had only our best interests at heart. He would not heed our desperate cries to stop the cutting. He would continue until the operation was complete. And one day we would even thank the surgeon for continuing to cut away the corrupt flesh. How wicked indeed would that surgeon be who halted at our cries for mercy before the operation was complete.